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Gone Francais: At Large Along The Azur

10th November 2018
(Blog Posting)

'I'd love to go on one of your trips' people often say to me.

What they mean is 'Are you mental?' after I've described my most recent jaunt.

Having spent the last few years tearing through France and Scandinavia, and a bit of Spain, on the premise of 'writing a book'- which I've somehow managed to do, I'm turning some of my exploits into this blog, so you don't have to go anywhere, which you won't be able to do post-Brexit anyway, (one for the gammons, there.)

I'll lob in a few bits and pieces from Billy No Maps en route, in a nod to its Christmas relaunch, but to begin with, we find ourselves in Basque country, for some inexplicable reason that I can't remember.

Do you know when you're at Barcelona Sants Station, and you're telling the chap on the other end of the phone in Montpellier that you need a room at about three hours notice, and the train guard interrupts to tell you that you're an entire month early for your train? Do you know that feeling? Sure, you do.

My French is pretty good- for someone from Spencerbeck, at least- but other than the basic greetings learnt from Madame Kell at secondary school, it's as raw as you would expect if it was taught to you by a French North African Arab, and a secondhand copy of Le Pe****Prince. Which it was. I put the phone down and boarded the train 29 days early.

After four days in Barcelona I'd survived a rancorous 'Spanish poker' game- 'Spanish poker' is where everyone wins except the English- at the Gran Casino, and an attempt to steal my watch by an opportunist thief on La Rambla who tried to distract me by serenading me with a Spanglish version of 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.' He was instructed to 'jog on' in terms only a Teessider would understand.

I set off for Girona shortly after lunch.

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